Swine flu. Run for my life!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
