Welp...herpes.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
