I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
