I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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