If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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