Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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