Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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