Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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