I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
two words: eviction party
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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