I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
