I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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