So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
