Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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