Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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