All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
