I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
