you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
