Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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