the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
