Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
