if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
