OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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