forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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