wat bout pragnant strippers??
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
