he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
