i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
