note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
