school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
