Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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