Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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