So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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