I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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