You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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