i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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