But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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