WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
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I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Use "feeling words"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together