Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!