sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
