Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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