you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
