Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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