FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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