I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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