new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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