I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
People in love make me want to vomit
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
