He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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