We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
