forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
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So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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