dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
