I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
