All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
