I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
