Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
