so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
