the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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