you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
