So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
