Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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