how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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