oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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