alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
