I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
