Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I love how my cats smell like pot.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think my moral compass just broke
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
