Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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