i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
