dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
