im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
