Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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