I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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