K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
