Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
