Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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