I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
