I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
