fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
