Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize