soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
