You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
