I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
