She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
