and she was petting her beer can
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
