She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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