I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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